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Insights for High Stress Professions
When Silence is Golden Some information can’t be shared. It may be classified, inappropriate, or illegal to share (for example, people on your team experiencing disabilities). Some information doesn't need to be shared. Candid feedback that doesn’t focus on behaviors or ways to improve performance isn’t helpful or welcome (think feedback about someone’s voice, appearance, or personality). Not everything on your mind needs to be shared. Information that does not provide clarity or help in making informed decisions may not need to be shared. Information that people can’t take productive action on yet may not need to be shared yet. Tactical Transparency In Action Effective transparency hinges on its ability to provide clarity, empower informed decision-making, and help people feel secure by knowing what to expect. Finding the right levels and methods of transparent communication will likely take some trial and error. Once you figure it out, it may shift as the psychological safety on your team increases. Here are some opportunities for you to increase transparency: 1. Provide insight into strategic vision and goals
Tactical transparency is an invaluable tool in nurturing trust and psychological safety within any team or organization. By providing clarity, leaders can foster an environment where informed decision-making thrives. As you navigate this terrain, remember that transparency is not a static concept—it's a dynamic force that adapts and grows alongside the evolving dynamics of your team. Embrace it, refine it, and watch as it becomes a cornerstone of your organizational culture. References Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House. Edmondson, A. C. (2018). The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth. John Wiley & Sons. For more articles about building psychological safety, check out my series here:
Integrity in Action: Building trust and psychological safety in the small moments Flipping the Script: Language Shifts for Building Trust and Psychological Safety
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 Photo credit Dean Drobot What is psychological safety and why is it important? “Psychological safety exists when people feel their workplace is an environment where they can speak up, offer ideas and ask questions without fear of being punished or embarrassed.” This means when psychological safety exists in a team, we see people being comfortable speaking up, being themselves, admitting mistakes, and offering honest feedback. We see all ideas and options considered, expertise rise above ego, calculated risk-taking, and honest, authentic, and transparent interactions. We see increased innovation and learning because people are more willing to try things out and learn from mistakes. We see increased reporting of mistakes and increased quality of work because people aren’t afraid to speak up if something went wrong. We see less burnout because people feel safe having conversations around how they’re doing, the workload and pressure of the job, and the resources they need (leadership support, development opportunities, feedback, etc.) to do their job without burning out. There are many things we can do to increase psychological safety on a team. See additional articles at the bottom of this post. Here, I want to focus on how subtle shifts in our language can build trust and boost psychological safety. Humble Curiosity You set the tone for how safe it is to share information with you. We can build trust and psychological safety by reducing our defensiveness and increasing our curiosity. Humble curiosity is a helpful tool for reducing defensiveness and increasing our receptivity to new information. Here are some “sentence starters” to invite participation and feedback through humble curiosity:
Reframes Words have meaning and their meanings have impacts. Some words have a “charge” that can leave people feeling anxious or defensive. Reframing our words can change the impact and energy around what we are doing.
Examining Types of Failure Amy Edmonson describes three types of failures in her book The Fearless Organization. By classifying failures, we can better understand how to handle them. Preventable failures (not to be celebrated) Preventable failures are failures that could have been prevented by someone following correct policy and procedures, or simply having established policies and procedures.
Complex failures Complex failures occur when multiple factors contribute to multiple points of failure. Think of the sinking of the Titanic, or the challenges faced on the Apollo 13 mission. When we experience a complex failure, it’s hard to assign responsibility to just one person or team. While hindsight is 20/20, this perfect storm couldn't have been foreseen or predicted, so what happened wasn’t really preventable. With a complex failure, we want to anticipate and mitigate. Shine a light on things when they go wrong, report concerns, and take steps to repair or reduce the damage of mistakes. Afterward, we can mine this failure for many learning opportunities. Intelligent Failures Intelligent failures are praiseworthy failures. These help us learn and drive innovation. Intelligent failures occur when we take a calculated risk, and it doesn’t work out. Intelligent failures provide us the opportunity to test hypotheses and gain new insight. They give us a chance to acknowledge and mitigate risk before trying this new thing. Establishing psychological safety within a team is critical for fostering an environment where individuals can freely express themselves, share ideas, and seek clarification without fear of reprisal. This dynamic allows for authenticity, the acknowledgment of mistakes, and the offering of candid feedback. With psychological safety, we witness a surge in innovation, higher quality work, and a deeper commitment to learning from our missteps. References Davis, P. (date). Building A Resilient Legal Team Starts With This Skill. The Stress and Resilience Institute. https://stressandresilience.com/building-a-resilient-legal-team-starts-with-this-skill/ Edmondson, A. C. (2018). The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth. John Wiley & Sons. For more articles about building psychological safety, check out my series here:
Integrity in Action: Building trust and psychological safety in the small moments Tactical Transparency: A tool for building trust and psychological safety
Keeping Your Word While seemingly straightforward, adhering to this principle can be challenging. Do what you said you were going to do. Keep Your Word. Every time you keep your word, you add marbles to the jar. Every time you don’t, you break trust and take marbles from the jar. When You Fail To Keep Your Word Sometimes things come up, information is missed, estimates are incorrect, and circumstances change. This is part of living in the world as a human and with other humans. If we consistently fall short of doing what we said we would do, we need to reevaluate our priorities and get more realistic on what we promise others. On the occasion we don’t meet the marks we set, here are some things we can do to maintain and build trust: Take Accountability Owning up to our mistakes is an act of courage and integrity. It entails refraining from assigning blame elsewhere and taking responsibility for our actions. If appropriate, apologize for your mistake and the negative impact it had on others. Notify Early and Often If something comes up and you know you can’t follow through on your promise, let the appropriate people know as soon as possible. Addressing challenges promptly enables more effective problem-solving. The Power of the Do-Over Arguably, the most potent tool in the psychological safety toolbox is the "Do-Over." Mistakes are inevitable, but how we respond is critical. This opportunity allows for acknowledgment of missteps and a chance to rectify them. Picture a scenario where someone inadvertently stifled your contributions in a meeting. Now, envision them pausing to reflect, saying, "I realize I unintentionally steamrolled your ideas. May I have a do-over?" This demonstrates they are paying attention and are making genuine commitment to improvement. This action is still impactful if the realization dawns later in the day, prompting their return to acknowledge their oversight and seek your input. So, when faced with feedback that triggers defensiveness, when a trusted colleague shares when you handled something poorly, or when frustration prevents you from choosing better responses, remember to pause, take a breath, and request a do-over. This simple act can be transformative in rebuilding trust and nurturing psychological safety. As we navigate difficult situations, remember that every act of accountability, every honest conversation, and every do-over contributes to the cultivation of trust and psychological safety. These acts hold transformative potential in rebuilding trust and nurturing psychological safety within our teams and relationships. References Brown, B. (2018). Dare to Lead: Brave Work. Tough Conversations. Whole Hearts. Random House. Brown, B. (2012). Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead. Penguin Random House. Edmondson, A. C. (2018). The Fearless Organization: Creating Psychological Safety in the Workplace for Learning, Innovation, and Growth. John Wiley & Sons. For more articles about building psychological safety, check out my series here:
Flipping the Script: Language Shifts for Building Trust and Psychological Safety Tactical Transparency: A tool for building trust and psychological safety When talking about boundaries, I’m often asked how to avoid feeling guilty for setting boundaries. Unfortunately the answer is you can’t. When we set boundaries, we are most likely going to feel guilt. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t set healthy boundaries; it means we need to learn to get comfortable navigating the experience of guilt.  Photo Credit: Ryan Moreno Why Do We Need to Set Boundaries? Healthy boundaries are essential to a balanced and productive life. Boundaries protect your physical, mental, and emotional resources from being drained by others and circumstances, which allows you to spend those resources in ways more aligned with your priorities. When we struggle to set boundaries, we often feel drained, resentful, and unappreciated for all the (often invisible) effort we put in. Often, we avoid setting boundaries because it makes us feel selfish or guilty. Like we are bad people for having needs. We were raised (in family systems and in society) to believe we need to give our all, all of the time, to everyone and everything else. This leads us to experience a lot of negative emotions when we try to start setting healthy boundaries in our lives. We can’t avoid that experience. We need to learn to get more comfortable with that. Choose your hard: learn to weather the negative emotions of guilt and shame we experience by setting and holding healthy boundaries, or continue to weather the negative emotions of exhaustion and resentment by not setting and holding healthy boundaries. Let’s explore how to navigate the negative emotional experience of setting boundaries. First, name what you’re feeling. Are we experiencing Guilt or Shame? We feel shame when we feel unworthy or that we didn't measure up. The focus is on us as a human, parent, employee, friend, etc. We attribute flaws to ourselves as a human rather than to the behavior we engaged in.
We feel guilt when we do something bad. The focus is on the behavior, and the resulting discomfort encourages us to atone, make amends, and do better in the future.
With shame, we feel bad, and there’s nothing we can do about it (if the problem is you’re a bad ____, it’s not really fixable). WIth guilt, we feel bad, and there’s something we can do about it (we made a mistake and can choose differently next time). Navigating Shame We tend to experience shame more when we have perfectionist tendencies that are driven by what others think about us or how we measure up. Oftentimes when we feel guilty for setting healthy boundaries, we may actually be experiencing shame. Pay attention to the way you’re talking to yourself and describing the situation.
Navigating Guilt First off, you’re not doing anything wrong by needing healthy boundaries and advocating for yourself to set and hold them. When you hold boundaries, you are saying your needs matter as much as their needs. You don’t need to apologize for having needs and setting boundaries to protect your physical, mental, and emotional resources. Unpack Guilt
Weathering the Feels
Navigating the complex terrain of guilt in boundary-setting is an essential aspect of maintaining a balanced and fulfilling life. It's crucial to understand that feeling guilty when setting boundaries is a natural response, and it doesn't diminish the importance of establishing healthy limits. Instead, it highlights the need to become comfortable with this experience. References Brown, B. (2021). Atlas of the Heart: Mapping Meaningful Connection and the Language of Human Experience. Random House. Cole, T. (2021). Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free. Sounds True. Fosslien, L. (2022). Big Feelings. Penguin Life. McLaren, K. (2013). The Language of Emotions: What Your Feelings Are Trying to Tell You. Sounds True. Nagoski, E., & Nagoski, A. (2019). Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle. Ballantine Books. Tawwab, N. (2021). Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. TarcherPerigee. Check out my the rest of the posts in my series on Boundaries
Firm Foundations: Exploring Various Types of Personal Boundaries The Silent Language: What Your Boundaries (or Lack Thereof) Say Respecting Your Space: The Art of Boundary Communication Setting boundaries is hard. Communicating boundaries is hard. Holding boundaries is hard. Let’s explore how to feel more skilled at navigating the hard.  Photo Credit: Therdman Actions Speak Louder Than Words Some boundaries need to be explicitly communicated with others. Some don’t. If you’re going to start making yourself unavailable after work hours, just start making yourself unavailable after work hours. Stop checking your emails, silence or disable notifications, delete apps. If you're going to start only doing the care tasks that you have the bandwidth for, just start doing the care tasks you have bandwidth for. If you’re going to start shooting for 80-90% effort rather than 100+% effort, just start working at 80-90% effort. If you’re going to start taking time away from your workstation for lunch, just start getting away from your workstation for lunch. It’s entirely possible others won’t notice the change, but you’ll start to feel the difference from protecting your bandwidth. Keep it Simple When communicating your boundary, you don’t need to justify yourself. You don’t need the other person to understand all the things that led up to you needing to set this boundary (I get that it feels like you do, but you don’t).
Graceful Refusals: Navigating the 'No' Part of boundary setting is really paying attention to what you say yes to and what you say no to. No is a muscle that has atrophied in many of us, but it’s still there and we can strengthen it again. Here are some exercises to strengthen your “No” muscle. 1. Pause.
Holding the line: Protecting Your Boundaries A fact of human nature and boundaries is that we are going to test boundaries. It’s important to remember when we set boundaries that they are going to be tested. It’s helpful to remember this isn’t usually malicious, and often it’s not even intentional. We are used to behaving in certain ways and it’s hard to break those patterns. It is your responsibility to set your boundaries and it’s your responsibility to reinforce and uphold your boundaries. Consistency is Key Some boundaries may be rigid boundaries; there is no flex. An example of a rigid boundary with a toddler is “it’s okay for you to be upset, it’s not okay for you to hit me when you’re upset.” Some boundaries may be flexible. There is a reasonable amount of flex based on specific circumstances. This flexibility should be determined ahead of time. An example of a flexible boundary may be “I won’t be checking my email and am unavailable for any work related concerns while on vacation. Unless it is X or Y, then call me.” For this example, you are predetermining a SHORT list of acceptable reasons to contact you on vacation, and sharing the acceptable method of contacting you regarding that issue. What we don’t want are porous boundaries. Porous boundaries are boundaries we set but don’t consistently hold. For example, let’s say you’ve shared with a colleague that you won’t want to hear them joke about certain topics. Then they do it again, and you don’t say anything. They do it again, and you leave the room. They do it again, and you are so frustrated you blow up at them. Then they do it again, and you don’t say anything. In this example, you set a boundary, but weren’t consistent in how you responded when the boundary was violated. When you set porous boundaries, you are sending the message that your boundary isn’t really important, and neither are your concerns and needs. Natural and Logical Consequences When we don’t set boundaries, or have porous boundaries, we are protecting people from feeling the consequences of their own actions. Also, when we start to set boundaries, we may be tempted to manufacture consequences or punishments (you didn’t do what I told you to do, so now you can’t go out with your friends). Natural and logical consequences are the best options for growth and learning. When you’ve set a boundary around how you want to be spoken to during a discussion and they continue to yell and escalate: “I’ll come back to the room when you’re ready to talk about this calmly.” When you’ve asked for direction on how to redistribute the tasks on your plate and received no guidance: make a judgment call on what can be done on a different day and what can be done to a different standard. Mastering the art of boundary communication is an integral part of nurturing a healthy and balanced life. While it may seem challenging, it's important to recognize that setting, communicating, and upholding boundaries are skills that can be developed over time. Actions often speak louder than words when it comes to boundary-setting. Sometimes, implementing the change you desire is as simple as making a conscious shift in your behavior. Whether it's reclaiming your after-work hours or focusing on tasks that align with your bandwidth, taking action empowers you to protect your precious resources. References Cole, T. (2021). Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free. Sounds True. Davis, K.C. (2022). How to Keep House While Drowning. Simon Element. McKeown, G. (2014). Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less. Crown Business. Tawwab, N. (2021). Set Boundaries, Find Peace: A Guide to Reclaiming Yourself. TarcherPerigee. Want more on boundaries? Read the rest of the articles in my series on boundaries.
Firm Foundations: Exploring Various Types of Personal Boundaries The Silent Language: What Your Boundaries (or Lack Thereof) Say From Guilt to Grace: Navigating the weight of guilt in boundary setting.
Who benefits from your lack of boundaries? We can set firm, flexible, and healthy boundaries. We can set no boundaries. We can also set porous boundaries. This is when we try to set a limit but don't hold or enforce it consistently. Think of any time you’ve tried to impose a new rule for kids to follow. If you don’t stay consistent in enforcing that rule, they learn it’s not really a rule. “Who benefits from your lack of boundaries” is a tricky question. At first, it seems like the answer is EVERYONE ELSE. Everyone in your life is benefitting from you not holding healthy boundaries. Your employer, your team members, your families. But when you dig deeper, it’s really not clear. On the surface, you may feel you’re benefiting by not having to “do the hard thing,” but then you’re suffering from burnout and exhaustion and resentment. This is harder and lasts longer. You may feel your workplace is benefitting because you’re doing the work of many people, but then you’re burning out which lowers productivity and negatively affects the bottom line. You may feel your families are benefitting because you’re taking care of so much and they don’t have to, but they’re missing out on an actual connection with you. You’re exhausted and resentful, and your needs aren’t getting met, but you keep trying to pour from an empty cup. You’re shielding them from the consequences of their own behaviors (or lack thereof) and you’re teaching them they’re supposed to do ALL THE THINGS when they grow up. The unspoken messages of poor boundaries Boundaries (and lack of boundaries) send key messages to the people around us. It’s always been true that we teach people how to treat us. Treating others the way we want to be treated doesn’t necessarily teach them how to treat us. It teaches them what to expect from us. This is because of the unspoken messages our boundaries (and lack of) send. When you make a choice or take an action, there are unspoken messages or signals you’re trying to send the people around you. However, there are unspoken messages or signals attached to those choices and behaviors that are also sent that we would never intend to send. Here are some examples: Off the Clock Emails Let’s say I’m checking my email after hours, and when I see an email come through at 11 pm, I respond to it right away. In doing this, I’m trying to say “I’m committed and I’m on top of things.” I think we can mostly be on board with this unspoken message. In doing this, I’m also saying “ my needs and my family aren’t important,” and “I’ll be available at all hours to succeed.” If I’m a manager I may also be saying “you need to be available at all hours to succeed.” Don’t Worry, I've Got It Let’s say you’re picking up the slack for someone else (this could be at work or home). It can be as simple as giving someone reminders for their work, and as complex as doing entire tasks or projects for them. It’s one thing if this happens on the rare occasion of a perfect storm, but it’s something else when it becomes habitual. In doing this, I’m trying to say “I’m a team player,” or “The task just needs to get done.” Again, I think we can mostly be on board with these unspoken messages. When we do this consistently, we are also saying “you don’t have to be responsible for your work because I’ll be responsible for you.” Oof. In work, we’re taking on project manager responsibilities by tracking where others are and ensuring they get their pieces done, or just doing it ourselves. A common example at home is a teenager not cleaning their room. Eventually it may get bad enough, and you get so frustrated that you just do it yourself. The unspoken message here is that they don’t actually need to clean their room, they just need to out wait you. Eventually you’ll get so annoyed you will do it yourself. Maintain an Even Strain Another behavior we often see is avoiding conflict to keep the peace. Many of us grew up in environments where effectively navigating conflict wasn’t modeled for us and it makes many people extremely uncomfortable. As a result, many of us learned to avoid conflict by downplaying our concerns and abandoning our requests to “keep the peace.” In doing this, we are trying to say “I care about you/the group.” In doing this, I’m also saying “my needs don’t matter.” If I’m abandoning my concerns to keep the peace, then my concerns must not be that important. I’m also saying “you can push me around.” If you know I hate conflict, you just have to make me uncomfortable enough, and I’ll back down. Where do we go from here? Setting boundaries isn’t selfish. It’s making intentional choices about how you spend your limited physical, mental, and emotional resources. We can’t control how others perceive us, and it’s not our responsibility to. When we are more consistent in setting and holding healthy boundaries, we can take more ownership over the unspoken messages we send others in our behaviors. This helps you teach others to treat you in a way that honors your ability to meet your own needs. References Cole, T. (2021). Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free. Sounds True. Eatough, E. (January 4, 2022). The invisible workload that drags women down. BetterUp. Rodsky, E. (2019). Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live). Penguin Random House. Learn more about boundaries by reading the rest of my series on boundaries!
Firm Foundations: Exploring Various Types of Personal Boundaries Respecting Your Space: The Art of Boundary Communication From Guilt to Grace: Navigating the weight of guilt in boundary setting.
Respecting your time and space You can set boundaries to protect your work hours and non-work hours.
You can set boundaries to create buffers and transitions in your day.
Respecting your priorities You can set boundaries around the tasks you take on.
Protecting your priorities is about protecting your ability to spend your limited bandwidth on the things that are most important and most impactful in your life. Remember: Not everything needs to be done.
Respecting your mental and emotional bandwidth Your mental and emotional bandwidth are limited resources. When we engage in invisible labor, we are spending more mental and emotional bandwidth that is strictly required to simply execute a task. Most articles on invisible labor (emotional labor and mental load) focus on invisible work at home done by women in cisgender relationships, but many people can relate to the experience of engaging in invisible labor. The goal in setting boundaries to protect mental and emotional bandwidth is to minimize the additional invisible labor we engage in, and decrease the amount of frustration we may experience. For additional resources on addressing and redistributing mental load and invisible labor, check out Fair Play by Eve Rodsky (available in book, audiobook, playing cards, and documentary). Boundaries to protect your mental and emotional bandwidth
In your journey towards establishing firm boundaries, remember that it's a process of self-care and self-respect. By prioritizing your well-being, you're better equipped to navigate life's challenges with resilience and grace. What boundaries can you start setting now? References Cole, T. (2021). Boundary Boss: The Essential Guide to Talk True, Be Seen, and (Finally) Live Free. Sounds True. Eatough, E. (January 4, 2022). The invisible workload that drags women down. BetterUp. Rodsky, E. (2019). Fair Play: A Game-Changing Solution for When You Have Too Much to Do (and More Life to Live). Penguin Random House. Do you want to learn more about boundaries? Check out my series on boundaries here:
The Silent Language: What Your Boundaries (or Lack Thereof) Say Respecting Your Space: The Art of Boundary Communication From Guilt to Grace: Navigating the weight of guilt in boundary setting. You know you need to maintain your equipment so it functions properly and helps you get the job done, but here’s the thing; you are your most valuable piece of equipment. You are your biggest asset. To protect and maximize your ability to perform, to handle stress, to think critically, you must do things to maintain yourself, your wellness, and your performance. Self care, recovery, recharging, resetting are all terms to refer to ways you take care of yourself to maintain your performance, composure, energy, resilience, and bandwidth. These are broad categories of strategies that can include anything from breathing exercises to binge watching tv to setting boundaries to exercise to massages to therapy to vacation time. Most of these are preventative maintenance strategies, the things you do on a regular basis to help you reset and recharge to meet the regular challenges you face; to maintain your resilience and wellness. This can include eating healthy food, getting good sleep, having hobbies, going to therapy, regular meditation practice, exercise, etc. We use acute care strategies we use when we are sick. We change our expectations for what we can get done, we use different resources. We take cold medicine, prioritize rest, and perhaps seek medical care; we give ourselves permission to not go at full speed. We should also have acute care strategies for when we are stressed or overwhelmed, when our resilience is being tested. In these situations, we often put our head down and try to keep expecting normal, high levels of performance, leading to higher stress and burnout and lower performance. To maintain the level of performance we want in our lives, to avoid burnout, to keep stress manageable, we need to preventative maintenance strategies AND acute care strategies. And we need to know the right strategies to use based on what we are facing. Triaging your self care is determining whether you need acute care or preventative maintenance. Triaging Your Self Care Triage is a medical term used to assign degrees of urgency. When you have multiple people needing care, you quickly assess each person and provide care to the most urgent injury first. This is especially important when resources (time, bandwidth, supplies, people) are scarce. When you are ramped up, when you are depleted, when your focus or motivation is low, when you’ve had.a.day, when you’re not at your best, you need to prioritize strategies that you can do when your bandwidth is low. Strategies that have the most impact and gain the most traction. Acute care strategies. Signs You Need Acute Care Strategies
Acute Care Plans Acute care strategies are what help you the most in that moment. These are the strategies that have the most impact with the least effort. Knowing you need acute care strategies includes adjusting your expectations of yourself. Think of it as combining turning your phone on power save mode and using a lightning cable. Let’s explore ways we put ourselves on powersave mode: Something is Better Than Nothing When we’re overloaded or depleted, we may not have the time or energy to get the “full doses” of preventative maintenance strategies. Micro doses are micro practices that may not have the same impact or desired results as full doses, but still move the needle on our wellness. Something is better than nothing; maybe we want to do 20 minutes of meditation, but can only manage 2 minutes. Two minutes of meditation is better than 0 minutes of meditation. A 10 minute walk is better than no walk or run.
Change Your To Do List Not everything on your to do list needs done.
Reassess “Done” In How to Keep House While Drowning, KC Davis shares an analogy for looking at care tasks (chores, self care tasks, i.e. all the things that need done on a regular basis). Each care task has a minimum level of done, which is based on what you need to function. She describes this as the cake. The cake for clean floors means there’s a clear path through the house that is free of debris and tripping hazards. Then there’s a level of doneness that creates comfort, which she describes as the frosting. The frosting for clean floors may be that there’s space play (so a large area of the floor is clear of debris, hazards, and dust. Then there's a level of doneness that creates happiness or peace, this is the cherry. The cherry for the floors may be all the floors are clean and mopped. If your bandwidth is low, you need to preserve and allocate it carefully. This means changing what done looks like for the things on your to do list. Do the minimum functional level for each item on your list. Then reassess your bandwidth. If you have bandwidth remaining, you can do the minimum level for some tasks you delayed, you can use that bandwidth to add frosting or cherries, or you can use that bandwidth to do other high yield recovery strategies. Giving Yourself Grace If you know someone is struggling, you tend to work with them and reassess what they can do with their limited bandwidth. We tend to not give ourselves the same grace. Your best is a moving target. Your best when you’re at 95% is much different than your best when you’re at 55%. If you’re sick and you’re at 55%, you adjust your expectations of yourself, and you use sick care strategies to help restore wellness. If you’re not sick, but you’re overloaded; your bandwidth is at 55%, you need to adjust your expectations of yourself and what you can get done, and use acute care strategies to help restore your wellness, performance, and resilience. Resilience isn’t about staying strong all the time. It’s about prioritizing your energy for what's needed, and replenishing it when it’s low. When you’re doing everything you can in that moment, give yourself grace, and keep going. Don’t give up or think you’re a failure because the strategies aren’t supercharging your batteries. You may only be able to manage micro doses of recovery right now, because that’s all you have the bandwidth for, right now. Something is better than nothing, and traction can take time. Triage and prioritize acute care strategies until your bandwidth is restored.
Resources General Resources https://www.ltolead.com/services.html Minimum Effective Dose (MED) Self Care Videos First Responder Resources www.resiliencewod.com https://1sthelp.org/resilience/ https://www.ltolead.com/first-responders.html Articles
Cybersecurity Resources https://www.ltolead.com/cybersecurity.html Battling Burnout in Cybersecurity eBook Articles While working as a civilian instructor for the US Army, I spent a lot of time developing and delivering team building training. It was always a fun and an exciting challenge. When I started my own business, I was surprised to find that many organizations don’t look to hire a consultant for team building events. Most often, team building events become forced-fun game days with activities like laser tag, paint ball, and miniature golf. I think these activities have their place in the context of team development, but team building can be so much more than a fun way to spend an afternoon with colleagues. Activity-based learning is more engaging and more memorable for adult learners. Team building events, when done well, have the power to increase vulnerability and psychological safety by creating a safe entry to talk about challenges faced at work. It also empowers the participants to wrestle with their own solutions. I’ve seen team building activities go very well, and I’ve seen team building activities go very wrong. Here are some considerations to help ensure yours goes well. Know why you’ve selected a particular activity Some activities are just for fun, some are better for communication, some are better for problem solving, some are better for new teams, some are better for experienced teams. There are activities and games that will be well suited to your team and situation, and some that will not. Different activities create different challenges and frustrations that parallel challenges and frustrations your team may be experiencing. Sometimes one activity can parallel different challenges and frustrations by changing specific variables. If the goal is to help the team learn to work through some of those challenges and frustrations, select an activity that gives them practice. Consider a neutral third-party facilitator There are a few benefits of bringing someone in to facilitate. If you’re a leader on the team, there’s both a power dynamic and past group experiences that influence how safe people feel fully participating. You may be able to lead a fun activity, but your observations of the team are subject to your everyday biases, and it may be more difficult to create a safe environment for open sharing during a debrief conversation. Also, if you’re leading the activity, you aren’t participating in the activity. You and your team will get more out of it if you are “in the thick of it” with them. Observe If you have an outside facilitator leading the activity, then your responsibility is to fully participate (without giving away any trade secrets). If you are facilitating the activity yourself, then you need to be a keen observer during the activity. Of course there is making sure the activity is flowing as intended, but a bigger reason to be a keen observer during the activity is to watch the dynamics of the team. You can see how they work together, where they struggle, if anyone is taking charge, micromanaging, or becoming an obstacle to the team’s success. In each activity, there are predictable places where a team may get stuck or frustrated (the best activities are designed that way). Watch for these happening, and watch for how the team navigates it. It’s likely this will mirror how they handle similar challenges on a regular basis. This also gives you things to talk about during the debrief when the activity is over. Debrief This is where the magic happens. This is also the biggest difference between team building activities that help a team learn and grow, and team building activities that are just forced fun. This is where we find out what we learned about ourselves during the activity and what we will do differently in the future. During the debrief, the facilitator can point out observations and ask questions of the team. Sometimes debrief questions are very specific to the activity (because each activity highlights different challenges) and sometimes they are very specific to the group or observations. Sometimes they can be very generic question like:
A debrief can be an opportunity for some coaching, but it’s important for them to make their own connections. The more the team makes connections themselves, the more impactful the learning will be. Having an outside facilitator can help keep the debrief on track. Team building can be a very powerful tool. Lecture based training doesn’t always hit the mark and is limited by our working memory. We learn more through activities because it engages more parts of the brain, we connect with our past experiences, and we make new connections. Team building can often provide a safer entry to talk about difficult topics. Later, we can return to those topics in different settings by recalling the activity.
Reach out for support in designing or facilitating your next team building event! Resilience is the ability to leverage tools and resources to recover well and grow stronger from adversity. You’re going to experience stress, adversity and trauma. Resilience is about what you do after that experience to come back stronger, because everyone has a breaking point, and everyone can develop their skill sets in navigating stressful situations. Actively building resilience increases your bandwidth to weather it, to come back stronger, and to navigate the daily stressors and hassles of your life. To build resilience, you want to work on protecting the physical, mental, and emotional bandwidth you have, then work on boosting it. Protect Your Bandwidth Bandwidth is another way to describe your physical, mental and emotional energy reserves. When these are high, you have a high ability to navigate challenging situations, stay sharp, and shift your focus and energy from situation to situation. When your bandwidth is low, it’s harder to maintain focus and performance, it’s harder to shift between tasks, and day-to-day things take more effort than normal. You don’t function well when your bandwidth is low (yes, you can push through, but at a high cost). Recognize Stress and Complete the Stress Cycle As your body’s physiological stress levels increase, your bandwidth is taxed. Your attentional field narrows, non-essential functions shut down, and energy is diverted to systems that can help you survive a threat. Depending on the situation you’re in, this is actually really helpful. Sometimes, however, this isn’t very helpful. For example, the part of your brain that helps you communicate effectively shuts down, sometimes the energy mobilization is really uncomfortable (especially if you’re in a situation where you can’t move around). It’s helpful to recognize indicators that your stress level is rising and you might lose self-control or composure. These are situations where you want to protect that energy bandwidth from being spent unnecessarily:
To help protect your bandwidth, you need to know how to turn down the dial on your stress systems (complete the stress cycle). Completing the stress cycle is about signaling safety, clearing stress hormones, and restoring the body to homeostasis after it’s been activated. There are seven simple evidence-based methods for completing the stress cycle, but I find the first four are the most portable, easy to get on the fly, and appropriate in most professional settings:
The more you pay attention to your physical, mental, and emotional energy reserves (bandwidth), the more you can keep your batteries charged and ready for the next call. Connect with Your Values Values are guiding principles that show everyone (including yourself) what’s important and where your priorities lie. Your values are what led you to make the choices to get into and stay in this field. If your life feels like it’s sucking the soul out of you, you are probably living in a way that doesn’t align with your values. This is very draining. If you can stay aligned with your values, you can protect your bandwidth for the tough situations you will face. Additionally, staying true to your values at work prevents burnout, and working in an environment not aligned with your values increases stress. This is because values are a source of energy: one that allows you to handle stress, and have the confidence to set and maintain healthy boundaries; values help you protect your bandwidth. Read through this list of values and circle any that resonate with you. Now look at the list of values you’ve circled and eliminate all but the top ten. From that list of ten, select your top 2-5 values. Now, take these core values and define them into observable behaviors. For example, family becomes “I value providing for my family” or “I value spending quality time with my family.” Finally, give yourself a grade on how well you live these values every day. The higher the score, the more you’re protecting your bandwidth. If you scored low, you’re probably facing a large energy drain each day. If you scored lower than an "A", what choices can you make to embody them more fully? You can also look at your values daily and choose how they will show up in your life that day. Set Healthy Boundaries Healthy boundaries are about indicating what is and isn’t acceptable for you. It’s also recognizing what is on your side of the street (i.e. what is your problem to solve) and what isn’t. You may be spending extra energy taking care of others, solving problems for them, being annoyed by them, complaining about them. In these situations, and in any situation where you may be feeling resentful, setting boundaries can be really powerful. Some boundaries may sound like:
You can also set boundaries with yourself about what you will and won’t do. For example, being irritated with someone else’s choices, when they don’t impact you, is a drain on your energy. Thinking about people and how they reacted during a situation when you can’t change anything allows them and that situation to live rent free in your head. Thinking about work when you’re not at work allows work to consume more of you than it truly requires. This is easier said than done, but you can make different choices around how you spend your time, energy, and thoughts, thus protecting your bandwidth.  Boost Your Bandwidth
The first step in boosting your bandwidth is protecting it from the factors that drain it. The second step is to actively build your physical, mental and emotional energy reserves. Breathe Breathing is a great way to control your physiology when things get ramped up. Breathing is also a great way to complete the stress cycle and boost your energy reserves. To get these benefits, you have to practice regularly. Practice it in stressful situations, practice it in relaxed situations, practice it in dull situations, practice when you’re trying to sleep; the more you practice, the more powerful the benefits will be when you need them. There are a lot of effective breathing strategies out there, and the most common one used by first responders is Tactical Breathing (sometimes called box breathing or square breathing). Sit or stand up tall, roll your shoulders back and take deep breaths that expand your belly. Inhale for four counts, hold for four counts, exhale for four counts and hold for four counts. Each cycle of inhale, hold, exhale, hold is one round of breathing, Do six rounds (about two minutes). Do this a few times a day. (If you don’t like this one, check out these other breathing strategies like the three part breath, 2:1 breathing or rhythmic (cadence) breathing.) Move your Body Movement and exercise improve circulation, cardiovascular health, brain functioning, stress tolerance, and just about any psychological and physiological marker you have. Getting regular movement throughout the day is critical to your overall physical, mental, and emotional health. Depending on which profession you’re in, you may get a lot of movement throughout the day already, or your role may be more sedentary. Getting movement like walking, running, yoga and weight lifting can tremendously boost your energy reserves (bandwidth). Another reason to move your body regularly is it helps clear stress hormones from your body (think how a good workout feels after a really hard day). When you don’t complete the stress cycle, excess stress gets stored in your muscles and joints as stiffness, pain, inflammation, and soreness. Boost Positive Emotions Positive emotions are really powerful tools and they serve a greater purpose than just balancing out negative emotions. Positive emotions broaden your attention, creative thinking and problem solving, and reset your physiology back to baseline. They also build your physical, mental and emotional energy reserves. Boost positive emotions by thinking of something you’re grateful for, something that makes you laugh, or something you’re excited about and looking forward to. These act as booster shots to boost your bandwidth to help you deal with tough situations later. When you think about resilience as your bandwidth to handle adversity and come back stronger, it’s clear that you need to make choices that protect your limited bandwidth and do things that boost your bandwidth in the moment and over time. Learn More Training App: Resilience WODs for First Responders eBook: First Responder Resilience eBook Blog post: A First Responder's Guide to Dealing With Stress |
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